What is limerence? As a recap:

Limerence is a profound state of intense longing and infatuation for someone even when it is not reciprocated. It involves intrusive thoughts, fantasies and mostly exists in the limerent’s mind.

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Many times when we get into such a state, we do not know the reason why and we can’t quite identify the symptoms correctly or realise what it is we are going through.

Hence the unhappiness and the pain carries on. And we live in that cycle for a long time, not being aware of it and as a result – completely unable to let go.

Here are some signs that you have have missed. You can use this as a checklist of sorts and keep it handy whenever.

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#1 Intense longing/obsession for your Limerent Object (LO) that is intrusive

You have random thoughts about your LO throughout the day that comes into your head with no rhyme or reason. It is hard to let go of them and feels like a constant intense obsession. In extreme cases, you may not be able to eat or sleep or go through your day-to-day activities.

The thoughts and obsession can be all-consuming and take up a huge part of your mind and your day. Sometimes it is something that you do not want to let go of because it feels very pleasurable and exciting.

A sort of escapism – which limerence essentially is.

#2 Your fantasies about your LO only exist in your mind

Many times your limerent object is someone you do not know in person – a celeb, or someone that is not available for you, either they are taken, do not know you or have rejected you.

Much of your thoughts about them only exist as fantasies in your head and do not really move into reality because of the fact that the person is just not available to you. Hence, limerence is a very mental exercise and remains so.

#3 Emotional volatility dependent on your LO

If your LO smiles at you/talks to you etc (if you know them), you feel like you are in heaven – like an euphoric high and intense excitement. If they do not smile at you or do not interact with you in a positive manner, you are incredibly down and upset. These moods can affect your entire day.

#4 A deep desire for reciprocation

Ultimately, you wish for reciprocation from your LO and for them to think of you and treat you the same way that you do them. At least, that is what you feel you need. Many times, limerents are unable to deal with reciprocation in person/in reality, because it is just way too overwhelming. Fantasy is where it is best.

#5 Incapacitating shyness around your LO

You “freeze” up and feel like you cannot be yourself and start filtering out your speech and actions.

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#6 An intense fear of rejection by your LO

Following the shyness in point #5, you have an intense fear that your LO may not like you or will reject you (if they haven’t already). This also lends itself to the fact that the thought of being with your LO in person can be so overwhelming that you do not even contemplate doing it. Staying in your fantasies, n your head – that’s the safest place.

#7 An ability to deny anything negative about your LO (cherry picking traits)

You see your LO as someone who is just perfect. Even if you do see flaws and imperfections, you deny it and treat is as a “one-off” or you go t o the extent of denying its existence. In your eyes, your LO can never be able to be such a flawed human being.

When you describe them or think of them, you only think of the best parts of them. Those qualities are then amplified and treated as the entirety of the person. This creates an unrealistic perspective of your LO. – sound familiar? It’s exactly how some fans see celebs.

#8 An intense aching in the heart/gut area when there is uncertainty

Whenever you feel like there is some uncertainty in the dynamic, you are unsure of what they are feeling or what they are doing in the moment, there is a sinking feeling experienced in your gut/heart area.

You feel queasy, uneasy and anxious and this can intensify some behaviours like social media stalking. This ache goes away when you perceive some reciprocation.

#9 A feeling of walking on air when there is reciprocation

This is similar to the euphoric feelings when there is perceived reciprocation. I say perceived, because alot of the time, the reciprocation exists in the limerent individual’s mind. Some neutral or slightly positive behaviour can be interpreted as romantic interest. This euphoric feeling doesn’t last long, the minute there something perceived as not-so-great happens, this is accompanied by an emotional low.

#10 Fleeting relief when imagining that LO reciprocated

Feelings of relief can be felt even in fantasies – imagining that the LO is treating you positively or displaying romantic interest in you. This can be almost at the level of euphoric high that is experienced when interacting with the LO in person.

#11 Intensification through adversity

Whenever there is a barrier blocking you from your LO, like if they do not know/like you at the moment, are miles away etc – you don’t want to give up at all. In fact, you feel an intense determination to see the difficulty through. You see it as a challenge to overcome, and that is also what makes limerence difficult to let go of.

#12 Hypervigilant to any shred of “evidence” that LO has reciprocated…

And an ability to think of reasons that explains LO’s neutral or negative behaviour. Some limerents even collect a document of “evidence” of reciprocation. The neutral/negative behaviour just makes you more determined to see it through.

Any of the above resonate? If most of them do, then yes you are limerent. If you are struggling through it alone and would like some help to get out of it, get in touch here.

Ready to break free from limerence and create the love life you deserve? My personalized coaching is designed to empower you on your journey to lasting happiness and fulfilling relationships. DM me on Instagram to take the first step!