One of the biggest questions that limerents always ask about.
It’s the number one wish and fantasy isn’t it? Someone that you’ve been eyeing for awhile and who has been in your thoughts for such a long time – years even – could fall in love with you and you, with them.
But there are a couple of things here that we need to consider first.
What is love?
The word love is thrown around alot in our society but what is love really? The sociologist and late author bell hooks defined it as:
Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth
M Scott Peck/Bell Hooks
She also says that love has the following 7 components: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.
Is It Love or Limerence? Take the Quiz below to Illuminate Your Heart’s Path!
Is limerence a form of love?
So with the above definition of love, would limerence then be counted as a form of love? Let’s look at what limerence is:
Limerence is a profound state of intense longing and infatuation for someone even when it is not reciprocated. It involves intrusive thoughts, fantasies and mostly exists in the limerent’s mind.
dorothy tennov
Does the above sound like love? Not so.
Whilst limerence can feel like it is love, it usually isn’t. The beginning stages of love can feel like an obsession, like you can’t get the person out of your mind. It can be all-consuming and intense, just like how limerence feels.
But ultimately it isn’t the same.
Why is love not the same as limerence?
As I explained in my workshop before – limerence and love occupy very different emotional wavelengths. Limerence has certain characteristics, and love differs quite abit from that.
How so?
- Reciprocity: Limerence has little to no reciprocity between the two people. Love does.
- Fantasy vs Reality: Almost all of limerence exists in one’s mind, it’s the fantasies and mental imaginings of one person. Love though, does not just exist in one’s mind – it’s right there, avilable all (or most) of the time.
- Emotional availability: In limerence, emotional unavailability plays a big role. People are usually limerent for people they cannot have, because the individual is already attached, or isn’t interested in them or is far away, like a celeb. In love, your partner is (mostly) there – emotionally and physically available and present
- Cherry-picking vs liking the person as they are: With limerence, one usually cherry-picks the qualities they like about their limerence object (LO) and are hyper-focused on those – amplifying those characteristics which may not be what is truth. In love, one gets to know both the good and not-so-great sides of the person and chooses to be with them.
Beyond Infatuation & Limerence: Master Your Emotions and Unlock the Secrets of Lasting Love and Unhappiness. Grab a copy of my book below!

So can limerence ever turn into love?
In my experience and in the experience of most of my clients, going from limerence to love usually does not happen. This is because limerence does not really share much similarities with love. The intention, feelings, motivation, drives behind limerence are all different.
The key thing in limerence is also that the limerent individual does not view their crush as a “real” person with faults and flaws. Their LO is always flawless and perfect, so there can be a reluctance to admit or see the LO as a full, real person.
Love also involves getting to know the other party on a deeper level. It involves putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, risking rejection and hurt and getting to know the person’s dreams, values, qualities on a very real level.
Limerence usually involves none of those. In fact, many limerents are limerent because they are unable to put themselves out there to get to know someone else for fear of hurt or other reasons. Fantasy thinking and just allowing the relationship to exist in their minds is what they are most comfortable with, and what they find most pleasurable.
Unless the limerent individual is able to heal from limerence, free themselves from it, then they will be able to experience the love that they want. Take a look at the model below that I’ve made, taking into account the stages of healing.
The first stage is all about figuring out where you are in your limerence journey and why you may be limerent in the first place, the second stage is about healing and strengthening your sense of self and finally, allowing yourself to be free and welcome in the love that you’ve been waiting for.

Want to fall in love but you are limerent? Check out these posts below or if you like personal 1 on 1 help, contact me on my Instagram: Instagram Profile
- How to Cure Limerence – Developing a Sense of Self and Awareness
- How to Cure Limerence (Tip #3) – Switch your Attention
- How to cure limerence and recover from romantic obsession (2 sets of strategies)
- How to 100% Cure from Limerence – The Re.Live Limerence Model
- How to cure limerence (Tip #2) – to abstain or to moderate?