Whenever we are limerent, or when we are feeling some type of way (i.e. angry, sad), or something has happened, the immediate thing that most humans jump to is to immediately find a solution.
And whilst that works more likely in perhaps.. in your job or career, it doesn’t always quite work in our personal lives. This is because matters of the heart aren’t always that easily solved. Solutions do not mean much if
Step #1: Diagnosis – Why are you limerent?
Here is where the bulk of the work is done. We go through previous experiences with romantic relationships, friendships, interactions with others in general and what were the key feelings and takeaways from all of that.
There’s also a lot of talk about the individual’s childhood, teenage years and how they have used coping mechanisms to deal with stress in their lives. Many themes can come forward here, but it’s only when a fuller picture of the individual is painted that the causes for limerence could be identified, and follow-up solutions included.
Are you limerent? Find out in the quiz below!
The way many people heal limerence is by telling themselves to “stop thinking about my crush”, “stop staring at pictures of him” – whilst all that works, in the long run, if the underlying causes of those behaviours are not nipped in the bud and healed.. you will find yourself constantly limerent for various individuals at different points in your life.
So in this part, I tend to spend alot of time figuring out what could lead someone to limerence. Take me for example, the causes were:
- A childhood riddled with chaos, mild violence and no love between my parents
- Attachment styles that swung between avoidant/anxiety-driven and extreme tough love that didn’t work on young, sensitive me
- Being bullied in school for various reasons
- Not being able to find long-lasting friendships or had friendships that were competitive and had themes of betrayal and abandonment within them, which made me feel like no one liked me
- Liking guys who always ended up liking other people
- Not feeling like I belonged anywhere in the culture I grew up in, in general
- Not being able to express my emotions very healthily. To this day, I still struggle with anger and sometimes with low self-esteem
- A longing for life and affection but not wanting people to get to close to me either
All these accumulated to produce limerent behaviour in me. Do any of the above sound familiar to you too?
Ready to heal from limerence? Grab a copy of my book below
Step #2 Healing your SELF
I am a firm believer of having a strong sense of SELF. Everything about life goes back to how you perceive things, how you feel things, how you react etc and these things are informed by how we see ourselves. For example, if you lack self-awareness, you may not even know that you are limerent at all. If you lack self-trust, you may find it hard to make good decisions and trusting your judgment on things. If you lack self-esteem, you may find yourself in relationships that continue to chip away at your self-esteem.
When I was limerent, I was totally disconnected from my SELF:
- I was initially unaware I was that badly limerent, I just thought I had constant celeb crushes that were “harmless” (they weren’t)
- I couldn’t trust my judgment when I was on dates and always ended up with people I didn’t quite click with
- I had low self-esteem and constantly thought that people wouldn’t like me (even if they did) and couldn’t read the signs of interest properly
Healing your SELF and taking back your power is the fastest way to dealing with anything that is not going well in your life. From not being able to plan your time to being a people-pleaser to have poor relationships with others.
Self-Knowledge is Everything.
Step #3 Living (and loving) the way you want
Once you’ve gotten out of your limerent habits, and healed yourself, you will find yourself starting to be attracted to and also attracting, people who are healthy. People who want a loving relationship just like you.
I’ve mentioned this before in my workshop, but limerent and being in love or dating healthily are two different types of energies. You won’t be able to attract or recognise healthy, reciprocal love if you are in a constant limerent state.
When you’ve known yourself well enough, you will be able to determine your relationship values, you start to learn the tools to figuring out what you want in romantic relationships and what red flags to look out for. You start knowing what you truly want in a partner.
And that’s kind of where everyone who wants a relationship wants to be!
Ready for the next step?
If you are ready to really and truly heal and say goodbye to limerence, but need some help? My coaching sessions are now open: https://abstractedcollective.com/limerence-coaching-sessions/
Also, if you are ready to heal your Self, be a part of my Re.Live Sacred7 Course! Launching soon sometime this year. Whether you are watching it Live or the Replay, you will gain lifetime access 🙂