Many times, people can’t seem to really tell if they are limerent or are just harbouring a mere crush on someone, or just going through the usual feelings that one goes through when you are infatuated.
Often though, limerence has very specific signs and symptoms that you’d recognise if you were aware of them. In this post, we’d cover the 3 key signs that let you know that you could very possibly be limerent for someone.
#1 You have intrusive thoughts about your LO
You can’t stop thinking about them. It interferes with your work, your life, your friends, your hobbies. Your entire life revolves around your LO. You may have a job but cannot focus, and you just don’t seem interested in doing anything else but thinking of him/her.
If you are limerent for a celebrity or a public figure, you may be constantly looking at photos/videos of them and fantasising about being with them. This can continue for several hours a day, everyday of the week, until your entire life is consumed by this person.
Whenever you see something or someone that resembles them or reminds you of them, it triggers you and you feel yourself “spiraling” into this tunnel of never-ending thoughts and fantasies about them that overwhelms you.
#2 You feel like you are on a constant emotional roller-coaster with your LO
Your feelings are characterised by highs and lows based off how your LO behaves. If they look at you or smile at you, you feel like you are in heaven. If they don’t you feel like your world has ended and you keep asking yourself why, over-analysing their attitude and behaviours. Perhaps you may even analyse yours to see where you went “wrong” and what you might have done that could have triggered their “bad” behaviour towards you.
These “analytical” behaviours often leads to stalking, especially online. Or even in-person stalking.
That you are even stalking someone or googling random sites to see if their behaviours may mean something, already isn’t very healthy. Because if the person is available and present in your life….you wouldn’t need to be doing all these.
#3 Your days revolve around your LO
You spend alot of time just fantasising about them, checking out their social media (stalking), thinking about them and wondering what they are doing… Anything but focusing on yourself. You could be at the best party in town, holidaying at a dream destination, eating the most marvelous food in the world – but your mind will constantly be focused on what your LO is doing. You won’t be having any fun.
Actually many limerents can end up wasting their time revolving their lives around an LO that usually doesn’t know of their existence (celebrity worshipping) or do know and cannot do anything about it or do not feel the same way.
Limerence actually drains you because you spend all of your energy and mental focus on another person. When people are so focused on something or someone else, it leaves you with little mental or emotional capacity to care about anything else in your life.
It usually comes as no surprise to me that limerence tends to correlate with lower success factors in life – whatever you define success as. Take a look at the genuinely busy, driven, purposeful, successful people around you – ask them and observe them, they usually aren’t filling up their days and hours obsessing over another person. They are very engaged in their own lives – whether it be purchasing a house, planning for a dream trip or throwing themselves into work.
Because when you are engaged with your own life, you just won’t have the interest, time or energy to spend it pining away for someone else. There’s already no time to do whatever you want to!
If you are limerent for someone – celeb or someone around you – give this some thought. Is your time spent on your LO worth it? Is it going to get you any nearer your life’s dreams or goals? Usually the answer is a big fat no.
#4 You tend to feel quite low in general and struggle with having a sense of purpose
This in and of itself is not a sign of limerence but when combined with 3 of the key signs above, it can very easily lend itself to limerence. Generally, when people are lonely, disconnected from themselves, their friends and their lives, whilst craving alot of love and attention yet are struggling with low self-esteem and other issues; these can tend to form an almost obsessive interest and craving in something or someone.
If those obsessive interests are productive, for example, learning a new skill or developing a passion, it’s all healthy and alright. But when it’s an obsession with someone, especially someone you don’t really know? It’s an incredibly dangerous and not to mention unhealthy way of spending one’s life.
As I always like to tell my clients – we only have one existence, one lifetime (if you are someone who doesn’t believe in karma and reincarnation etc), how would you like to live it? Would you want to make the most of it or fritter your time away on someone who is probably going to be incredibly average (read my book for more on the halo effect our LOs have)?
Need more help? Check out my book below for more of the key signs & tools to cure limerence
Can Limerence be cured though?
I get this question alot from people, but the answer is a huge resounding YES. I personally cured my decades-long battle with limerence, without any therapy and I outline my process in my book.
You can also check out my other free posts on this site about limerence.
- Relapse: Can limerence come back? 3 Ways to stop it
- What is limerence – a romantic obsession or a mere crush?
- 5 big signs limerence and romantic obsession is ending
- How to cure limerence (2 sets of strategies)
- Limerence takes up an incredible amount of mental space that you could be using to fulfil your life
- How to cure limerence by switching your attention
- How to cure limerence through abstaining or moderating
Limerence is an addictive state, but like with any addictions, it absolutely can be cured. You just gotta decide to let it go first 🙂