How do you know limerence is ending?
There are always key signs that you are moving on from a romantic obsession or being in the throes of limerence, which is when you are constantly living in your head and fantasising about someone who isn’t your romantic partner.
And one of the key questions that I receive from commenters and clients is:
How long does limerence take to fade?
I know you are going to hate this answer, but the response to that is – it really depends.
It depends on the individual and it depends ALOT on whether you are giving yourself the chance to break free from this habit cycle and allow yourself to create a new life and move on with it. Many times people allow themselves to slip into their previous limerent behaviours and go down rabbit holes of emotional turbulence and active/passive contacting of their limerent object (LO).
I am actual living proof that romantic obsession and limerence can be cured – and this article lays out some important steps. But you have to want to break free from that previous limerent cycle and choose different actions and a different life path for yourself.
So what are the signs that your limerence is ending?
#1 You find yourself not thinking about them at all
This is the BIGGEST sign. They no longer exist at the back of your head when you are working on your assignment, doing your coffee run or grabbing groceries. They are no longer there, smiling down at you, whilst you are chilling on your sofa or chatting with your mates.
You will find yourself going about your day and having loads of fun, being present and go like, “wait! he/she hasn’t even popped into my head all these while!”. These instances will happen more frequently until eventually you stop even being aware that you are no longer thinking of them. They no longer exist in your fantasy.
This is the ultimate sign that you’ve healed and if you’ve reached this state, give yourself a pat on the back!
Curious how limerent you are and on which part of the healing journey you are on?
#2 You don’t feel any urge to check up on them
When we are lost in limerent fantasy or romantic obsession, we constantly need to feed that sugar high. And we do that by passive consumption of information related to our romantic objects (RO) or limerent objects (LO). Or we may even seek them out, active consumption, – if we know them in person – and engage in conversation just to feed the fantasies.
But when you are over them, there are no fantasies to feed, no need to get high on thinking of them. That association has been completely broken and you just don’t have the urge to check up on them anymore.
You may even go a step further and ignore them in person or scroll past their content on social media, without even feeling a slightest bit of curiosity as to how they are or what they are doing. And let me tell ya – the feeling is utterly amazing.
#3 When you do come across material/information on them, you no longer feel those turbulent emotions.
When you are caught up in limerence and romantic obsession, alot of your moods are dictated by your RO/LO. If they do something “right” – your mood is high. If they said hi or engaged you in conversation, it releases dopamine into your bloodstream and you feel super happy. But if they ignore you or you read something about them that upsets you, your mood plunges and you feel like crap the entire day.
Sound familiar? But when you are over them – your moods are no longer affected by their presence or absence. It doesn’t matter what they are doing or not doing, because your moods and emotions are no longer dictated by their actions.
Your mood improves in general actually. It’s no longer tied to this individual, you have the freedom to feel whatever you please independent of whatever this person is doing. It’s an incredibly powerful feeling to be free of being dictated by someone else.
#4 You find yourself getting very involved in your own life and that of people around you
Limerence and romantic obsession involves alot of ruminating and living in your head. Creating these wild fantasies and scenarios where the both of you are Romeo and Juliet, lovers in the next life, riding off into the sunset. When you are living in fantasy and just playing out situations in your head, you are not connected with yourself and with reality.
But when you leave those fantasies alone, you find that you free up alot of cognitive and mental space to be interested in your life, your interests and the people around you. You will find yourself fully engaged in the conversations you have with others. You will find yourself in flow when you work on various things.
You are present. You are living. You are able to tune into your thoughts and emotions with greater clarity. And I know I’ve repeated this a million times, but the feeling is just SO liberating. The difference between having mental clarity and focus whilst living your best life vs living 50% in fantasy with John or Jill holding your hand in your head whilst you try to do the dishes – that difference is WILD.
And I guarantee you, you will start to enjoy life a whole lot more, once you leave the realm of fantasy.
Want more strategies on how to cure your limerence? Grab your copy of my book today!
#5 You engage in less fantasy and live more in reality
This is similar to point #4 but the key thing here is that you are FULLY PRESENT in life. Not just sitting in your chair and doing work, you are 100% in the here and now.
If I were to ask you what happened to you yesterday or what did you do? You would be able to give me a proper account of how your day went and how you felt at different points. You will find that you want to do more to engage in your life – you will partake in your own interests, you will take an interest in bettering your own life.
In one of the biggest how to cure limerence strategies that I wrote about earlier – I spoke about life purpose. Whilst once it constantly revolved around your LO/RO and what they were doing, you are now able to bring the focus back on yourself. You are in tune with your senses and can better process what life has to offer you right now.
Last words + help is here if you need
If you find yourself experiencing any of the above signs – congratulate yourself! You are on the path to healing!! But if you aren’t fret not – healing from limerence takes time because it involves a complete undoing of previous associations and habits, it’s not something that will happen overnight.