One of the biggest downsides of being in limerence with someone else is the amount of mental and cognitive space they take up in your heads. However, this is something that many people in limerence usually do not quite see until they stop being in their limerent state.
When I was going through my limerence episodes, I still could relatively function in my day-to-day, I went to work, finished up tasks given to me, studied for exams, read books, went out with friends yada-yada.
But. What most people didn’t know and I didn’t quite realise is that my Limerent Object (LO) was always somewhere at the back of my mind. Although I wasn’t quite consciously thinking of him, intrusive images of him would pop up randomly in my mind. And I’d entertain them sometimes and go on this wave of fantasy.
I used to brush this off as simply something “normal”.
But it took me snapping out of my limerent reverie and turning over a new leaf – basically saying NO to limerent relationships – to realise how much of space my LO did take up, even if I relegated him to the back of my mind.
You are essentially splitting your attention
So what is going on?
It’s akin to when you have something weighing on your mind. Like yeah, you go about your life and you get stuff done.
But are you really and truly 100% present in whatever tasks you are doing?
The answer is no.
Curious how limerent you are and on which part of the healing journey you are on?
Because you may not be fully aware of it, but you are splitting your attention between your LO and what you are attempting to do presently. You are actually not 100% focused and you are not present.
It’s very similar to multi-tasking, you think you are getting alot of stuff done and getting places – which you are yes – but you aren’t fully committed to the process.
What happens when you choose to focus on your life a 100% of the time?
When I snapped out of my limerent reverie and started turning the attention back to myself, wow. Doors opened. I felt I came alive again. I talk about my own limerence story here, but life just felt so different.
I was getting into different social groups, I had all these amazing hobbies I got into – painting, crafting. I got fit again, started eating really healthy and I was super into my business and my day job and gave my all to my life.
I’m not saying that ending limerence is a direct cause of these things. But it’s a very significant change in your life, because your mind, your emotions, your soul, your energy is no longer preoccupied with this other person.
You now have the chance to be preoccupied with you.
And how amazing is that?
You deserve to be focused on, you deserve to be seen
Alot of the time, we get ourselves into a limerent state with someone who doesn’t want us back is because at the root of it, we don’t like ourselves, we don’t want ourselves and we don’t think we are worth being seen.
We don’t see ourselves, we don’t feel ourselves as real people, hence we engage in these fantasy relationships where we aren’t real, the person isn’t real and nobody can fall back on anything that is grounded in reality.
You deserve a lot more than just one-sided downright unfulfilling fantasy relationships and once you allow yourself to snap out of this limerent state, you will find that life is just all over again.
You may even start to be drawn to romances where your real AF partner is there in reality, loving you and caring for you.
Because you deserve to be loved.
If you are struggling with limerence, help is here. As someone who has been through it for a decade or more and came out of the other side with a better life, I can help you. My book “Breaking Up with Limerence” is out and coaching sessions are also available.
