This is a bit of a tough love post.
Limerence or romantic obsession is also a sign of several things going on internally – apart from the neurochemical wiring in our brains, it’s usually a sign that you are not very happy with where you are in life. Either your relationship has stagnated or it’s romantically and sexually unfulfilling, or you just don’t feel very purposeful in life – like it’s missing a direction. Many of us spend alot of life drifting from one decision to another or just wandering aimlessly through the years, letting life pass us by.
But I notice that what makes someone limerent or romantically obsess about another and what makes it hard to heal and move on is – the lack of desire to want to take any action to change your current lifestyle. Instead it is easier to just stay in fantasy-land and daydream about a person that you can never truly have.
This can be tough to hear for some of us.
Quite a significant number of limerents, romantically obsessed individuals or clients with an issue in their romantic lives – ALL of them knew on some level that what they are putting themselves through is agonising and that they need to stop. But many of them will not or just do not want to.
Curious how limerent you are and on which part of the healing journey you are on?
What is making you not want to take the leap and let go?
There’s a certain lack of fear of letting go of the limerent fantasies. “Well then what would I fill my thoughts with?” – This was something a few of them brought up. They had been so used to their habits of fantasising that they could not fathom going a day or an hour without thinking about their limerent object (LO).
Some had no idea how to stop and others tried to but kept going back to their old habits.
No matter how much advice, therapy or help you’ve been getting, at some point in time, you’ve gotta want to kick the habit to the curb yourself. You got to have that courage and determination to recognise that you want a different kind of life for yourself and to transfer your energy from your LO and put that towards pursuing a purpose.
This brings to mind that famed quote – you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
I’ve had clients come into sessions and stubbornly insist that their limerent ways/romantic obsession is all fine and dandy. Because it makes them feel good. You gotta think about the sum total of your experiences – how often are you happy because of your LO and how often are you not?
I’ve spoken about the emotional turmoil and anxiety that comes with romantic obsession and limerence. The ups and downs you feel throughout a single day, for most days of your life. This is not the way to live.
If your emotions hinge upon a person – who by the way either doesn’t know you exist (a celeb) or isn’t in your life in a way you want (someone you sorta know) – it can start to eat into you. The pressure of keeping this obsession private, to not be able to talk about your emotions freely, heck, your emotions aren’t given any closure or outlet because you are unable to be with this person!
When these emotions eat into you, it can start to affect your sense of Self. Your self-esteem, self-worth, self-image, self-confidence and your entire concept of the self will take a nosedive. You reject yourself.
If you are struggling with letting go, ask yourself, what is the exact thing that is holding you back? What are some fears that you harbour? Slowly start to work through them.
Limerence and obsession can absolutely be overcome, but you need to have the will to let go.