A client recently asked me this question: “I have a pattern of falling into limerence, how can I avoid being limerent for unavailable men? I’m tired of getting my heartbroken over and over again by emotional unavailable men.”

I go into more detail in my Limerence Workshop which I talk in more detail below. But let’s break things down a little:

• Pattern of falling into limerence –> yes, limerence IS a pattern!
• Avoid being limerent for unavailable men –> usually as sign of limerence
• Heart broken over and over again by emotional unavailable men –> another pattern here is established

Let’s delve a little into emotional unavailability, shall we?

Are you limerent? Find out in the quiz below!

What is emotional unavailability?

What is the definition of emotional unavailability? Well, the phrase explains itself. It’s literally being disconnected and unavailable to your partner. This sometimes comes about because you are not in the same location or your lifestyles are busy and so on.

But emotional unavailability usually stems from a disconnection from yourself that makes you unable to connect with another person healthily. It usually has roots in childhood, which I go into detail in the workshop. But emotional unavailability doesn’t come out of nowhere and doesn’t exist in a vaccum.

It usually starts young and also shows up in other areas of life.

Why do emotional unavailability and limerence go hand in hand?

I go into more depth in my workshop but limerence or being limerent seems to attract alot of people who are emotionally unavailable. This is because limerence is the perfect breeding ground for emotionally unavailable people – your partner exists as a fantasy, you don’t have to engage in a serious relationship or be vulnerable with another, you don’t have to build intimacy.

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A sign of emotional unavailability

I go through some critical signs in my workshop, but one that comes up constantly is a history of very short-term relationships, casual relationships/flings/hooks ups, or basically just no relationship or any kind with anyone.

Another hint is when you get to talking about their relationships with an emotionally unavailable person. It usually carries a sense of a dream-like quality/fantasy, like it wasn’t quite concrete or real. You get a sense that the relationship wasn’t intimate or like they barely knew their partner because there is little depth. And they may speak about former partners in very emotionally distant terms.

I talk alot more about other related points to emotional unavailability and limerence, like attachment styles, disconnection to self, how this makes one drawn to limerence and how to start to heal from it in my workshop. See you there!

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