There was a time I knew everything about him.
The way his voice softened mid-sentence. The slope of his shoulders in every dance rehearsal. The exact timestamp of his half-smile in a behind-the-scenes clip.

He had no idea who I was.
But I was convinced I knew him—deeply, spiritually, soulfully.
It was a love story, or so I believed.
But it was also a prison.

This is how parasocial relationships and limerence work:
They offer a stage where your deepest longings play out, beautifully lit but ultimately one-sided.
And if you’re not careful, you begin to believe the performance is reality.

Are you limerent for a kpop idol or actor? Find out in the quiz below!

How It Started

K-pop was more than music—it was medicine.
It helped me through dark nights, heartbreaks, the deep ache of loneliness.
And slowly, my emotional world became entangled with people I had never met.

But it didn’t stop there.

I began fantasizing about interactions, imagining conversations, crafting a version of myself that they would love.
I couldn’t stop consuming content. I felt possessive, jealous, euphoric, and crushed—all in the span of a day.
That wasn’t fandom.
That was limerence.

What I Realized

I wasn’t in love with them.
I was in love with the way they made me feel about myself—wanted, safe, special.

And yet, I had handed my sense of worth to a stranger.

The limerence, the fantasy, the imagined closeness—it was all trying to soothe something deeper:
My unmet emotional needs. My loneliness. My craving for connection without the risk of real vulnerability.

What Helped Me Shift

1. I stopped consuming them like medicine.
Every reel, every tweet, every fan cam was keeping the illusion alive. I had to go cold turkey. No videos, no instagram follows nothing. They had to be purged from my life totally. I can’t be reminded of them all the time. Constantly referring back to media of your idols traps you in the limerent fantasy, making it hard to get out.

2. I asked: What am I really hungry for?
Love? Safety? Inspiration? I let those answers lead me back to myself. What am I desiring? Is it a kind of connection and love that I don’t see in real life? What is this desire teaching me?

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If you’ve ever felt emotionally hijacked by a fantasy that felt too real to let go—
you’re not alone.

✨ My book “How to Break Up With Limerence & Romantic Obsession” is a raw, powerful guide to navigating parasocial relationships, obsessive longing, and the emotional voids they try to fill.

Click through to get your copy or get in touch at my Instagram if you are looking for private coaching sessions. Join my newsletter for more tips for how to break out of this obsessive haze too 🙂