If self-care feels like another full-time job… it’s not self-care.
When I hear people talk about self-care — especially in the West — it often sounds like this:
Yoga. Pilates. Cold plunges. Green juices. No sugar. No carbs. No “bad” foods.
5am routines. 10-step skincare. Hour-long rituals.
And I used to think…
“Okay. I guess I have to do all of that to be a ‘regulated’, evolved person.”
But here’s what I realised:
Self-care isn’t about building a new identity.
It’s about building sustainability.
Ironically, though, it still requires discipline.
Before
I used to approach self-care the way I approached productivity —
Like something to optimise.
To master.
To be good at.
I forced workouts I hated.
I felt guilty when resting.
I tried routines that looked aesthetic but felt unnatural.
It didn’t calm my nervous system.
It stressed it out.
What Changed
Here’s how I do self-care now.
#1 I Schedule It — Especially at the Beginning
At first, I literally put it in my calendar.
Because if you’re not used to caring for yourself intentionally, you will forget.
Self-care is still a habit.
And habits need structure before they become automatic.
Now it’s integrated into my life. But in the beginning?
It needed a container.
#2 It Has to Feel Naturally Relaxing to Me
Self-care should calm you down — not make you feel like you’re failing at another thing.
There’s no need to force yourself into something just because it’s “healthy” or trending.
Caring for yourself doesn’t mean copying what works for someone else.
It means understanding your own nervous system.
If it feels like punishment, it’s not self-care.
#3 I Aligned It With My Natural Energy
For a long time, I thought intense HIIT workouts were “good for me.”
But I hated them.
I don’t enjoy the gym.
I don’t enjoy explosive, competitive energy.
Exercise is self-care for me — so I had to get it right.
It took time to realise:
- Yin yoga suits me
- Strength training (slow and focused) feels grounding
- Long walks and hiking in nature reset me
- Quiet movement works better than loud intensity
Once I stopped fighting my nature, self-care stopped feeling like resistance.
#4 I Had to Deal With Guilt Around Rest
This was a big one.
I associated rest with laziness.
Productivity culture did not help.
Neither did my deep sense of responsibility.
But here’s the reframe that shifted everything:
If you’re not well-rested, your body won’t support your ambitions.
Rest isn’t the opposite of productivity.
It’s what makes sustainable productivity possible.
#5 Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive
It doesn’t need to involve spa days, retreats, or buying things.
Sometimes my self-care looks like:
- Tidying one drawer
- Making tea and sitting quietly
- Going to bed 30 minutes earlier
- Saying no
- Turning off notifications
Protection of energy is self-care.
And it’s free.
#6 It Should Fit Into Your Life — Not Limit It
This was important for me.
If a routine makes you socially isolated, overly rigid with food, or anxious about missing a workout — it’s no longer supportive.
Self-care should expand your life.
Not shrink it.
It should make you feel more present at dinner.
More alive on a walk.
More patient in conversation.
Not controlled.
After
Now?
Self-care isn’t something I “do.”
It’s how I structure my life.
I don’t force intensity.
I don’t copy trends.
I don’t guilt myself for resting.
I build small, sustainable practices that align with who I am.
And because of that:
My intuition is clearer.
My body feels safer.
My energy is more stable.
My life feels less reactive.
Self-care isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about becoming well enough to be fully yourself.
Self-care is just the beginning.
The deeper work is this:
How do you design a life that supports you — financially, emotionally, energetically — when the world keeps changing?
We are not living in predictable times.
Waiting for certainty is not a strategy.
Designing your life is.
If you’re ready to move beyond coping and start consciously building your next chapter, my book walks you through exactly that — how to create structure, stability, and self-trust in a world that refuses to stand still.