Most people think attraction is chemistry. You hear it often – “We don’t have chemistry”, “I didn’t feel the chemistry”.

People also talk about fate, luck, timing or “having a type.”

But if you look closely — really closely — most attraction is patterned.

You don’t randomly attract people.

You attract people who feel familiar to your nervous system.

Life and the universe has a very interesting way of repeatedly giving you new but similar situations, to offer hints – to test you, and see if you will finally recognise the pattern that has been appearing in your life all along.

And until you decode that pattern, it doesn’t matter how self-aware, healed, spiritual, or intentional you are — the same emotional dynamics will keep finding you.

The Pattern You Keep Calling “Bad Luck”

If you’ve ever said:

• “Why do I always attract emotionally unavailable people?”
• “Why does it feel intense at first, then confusing?”
• “Why did they seem so interested at first, and then just so cold after?”
• “Why do I keep choosing the same type of character, just in a different body?”

This isn’t you being bad at discerning good people from the less aligned people.

It’s a magnetic field issue.

Your magnetic field isn’t your personality. It’s not your preferences. It’s not your conscious desires.

Those things are in your control somewhat. It’s the sum total of:

• your nervous system conditioning
• your early relational environment
• your emotional survival strategies
• the unspoken beliefs you learned to make to feel safe, loved, or chosen or loved

You don’t attract what you want. You attract what your system knows and feels familiar responding to.

Attraction Happens Before Thought

Most people assume attraction starts in the mind.

It doesn’t.

It starts in the body — milliseconds before conscious thought kicks in.

That “pull” you feel?
That “spark”?
That sense of familiarity, intrigue, or gravity?

That’s your nervous system recognising a known emotional landscape.

Not necessarily a healthy one. Just a familiar one.

Your body and your mind and then you – are drawn into a cycle that is an embodiment of your old habits. The minute that old trigger clicks in for you, it then sends you down a merry spiral of your old self. 

This is why logic alone never breaks attraction patterns. And why being aware of your behaviour  but doing nothing to change it, doesn’t lead to different outcomes.

Why Awareness Alone Doesn’t Change Who You’re Drawn To

You can know someone isn’t good for you — and still feel magnetised.

Because attraction isn’t a belief. It’s a conditioned response.

For many people, attraction is tied to:

• inconsistency
• emotional distance
• unpredictability
• intensity followed by withdrawal
• the need to earn closeness

If closeness once required vigilance, over-giving, or self-erasure, the nervous system learned:

“This is what love feels like.”

So when someone stable, available, or emotionally present shows up?

The body often reads it as boring — or worse, unsafe.

Not because it is. But because it’s unfamiliar.

You’ve probably heard this one before and how so many women find the stable, safe guy boring. But the bad boy who is unstable and volatile – ah that bad boy is electric.

Case study – me

For the longest time in my life I was attracted to unavailable men. These men weren’t just emotionally unavailable, they would just not be able to even pursue a relationship with me because

1) they did not know me (I had limerent crushes a lot)

2) they weren’t literally in the country I was in

3) they were taken

4) they had no interest in me

And when I was slightly older, I was drawn to the popular bad boy who seemed to take an interest in me but only used me for an ego stroke as they liked my attention. I also used to prize looks over everything else, leading to very superficial relationships.

If you were to trace your relationships right up to now, you will see some sort of a pattern in the types of roles you’ve been playing in your relaitonships and the types of people you attract. That kind of data as I call it, is invaluable.

Change your nervous system and magnetic field à see changes in your love life

This is the part most people miss.

Your magnetic (energy) field is adaptive, not permanent.

It shifts when:

• your nervous system learns new states of safety
• your body experiences connection without contraction
• you stop abandoning yourself to maintain attachment
• you tolerate steadiness without needing intensity

When that happens, attraction changes quietly.

Not through force.
Not through affirmations.
But through recalibration.

You stop being pulled toward people who replicate old emotional terrain — because your body no longer recognises that terrain as home.

How does that happen?

From an energetic perspective, your magnetic field is shaped by how your core energy archetypes learned to seek safety and connection.

Some people attract through:

• Fire — intensity, chemistry, visibility — but burn out quickly because stability feels unfamiliar.
• Others lead with Water, bonding through depth, emotional fusion, or longing, and mistake immersion for intimacy.
• Wood types often attract through potential and growth, seeing who someone could become rather than who they are.
• Metal types may magnetise through boundaries and self-containment, drawing people who want access but resist true closeness.
• And Earth types often attract by holding, stabilising, and nurturing — sometimes at the cost of their own needs.

None of these patterns are wrong, but each becomes out of balance when the nervous system is compensating for old relational gaps rather than expressing its natural state.

Interested to find out more about your own energy archetypes and how does that relate to how you attract people? Drop me a message on IG or check out my consulting session here

The Real Question Isn’t “Why Them?”

The litmus test as to whether someone is aligned with you or not is to ask yourself this:

“What state do I enter when I’m around them?”

Do you:

• soften, or brace?
• expand, or shrink?
• feel clearer, or foggier?
• feel more yourself, or less?

Attraction that costs you yourself is not chemistry. It’s conditioning, a repeat of a familiar but toxic pattern.

And attraction that brings you feel calm, centred, grounded? That’s soul alignment.

What Changes When You Work With your Energy/Magnetic Field & understand your patterns better

When you take a pause and really consciously look at what types of relationships you’ve been having, start studying the data, you will come to understand the hidden patterns that have been driving all your decisions thus far.

You begin to notice:

• the early bodily signals you used to override
• the subtle red flags you previously romanticised
• the difference between excitement and activation

And slowly, the magnetic field reorganises, your energy archetype changes or rebalances.

Not overnight. But decisively.

It happens on such an unconscious/subconscious level that you don’t see it really playing out in reality until one day you take a pause, and you realise, hey – the people who are coming into my life, feels so different from the people I was drawing in previously.  

A Gentle Close

You don’t need to blame your past choices. They were intelligent responses to the information your system had at the time.

But you can choose to update the system. You can choose to make what felt familiar, unfamiliar, and start to put in new habits and finetuning your nervous system.

Because as your nervous system changes, your love life follows.

Not because you tried harder —but because your body finally learned a new language of connection.