Limerence, an intense emotional obsession with another person, can make you feel like your happiness, self-worth, and even your daily thoughts are bound to how they perceive you. While it’s a common experience, limerence can be exhausting and make you feel disconnected from your own life. The good news is that you can stop limerence and take back control over your emotions, energy, and self-esteem. In this article, I’ll share actionable steps to help you reclaim your focus and bring the attention back to where it truly belongs—on yourself.
1. Recognize the Power You’re Giving Away
The first step to breaking free from limerence is acknowledging how much power you’ve handed over to your crush. In limerence, your mood and self-worth often feel dictated by their attention or approval. Ask yourself: Why is this person’s validation so important? What part of me feels incomplete without it? This self-awareness will help you understand that your happiness doesn’t need to depend on someone else’s attention.
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2. Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present
Limerence often keeps your mind either lost in fantasies about the future or stuck in memories of past interactions. Practicing mindfulness can help you redirect your attention to the present, where you have the most control. Simple activities like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or mindful journaling can help center your thoughts. A personal trick I used was wearing a rubber band on my wrist to snap myself back to reality anytime I felt my mind drift to thoughts of my limerent object.
3. Reconnect with Your Passions and Hobbies
One reason limerence can take such a strong hold is that it makes us lose sight of ourselves. Reflect on what brings you genuine joy and fulfillment, whether it’s a creative hobby, exercise, or learning something new. Reinvest in these activities as a way to build a sense of identity and purpose that’s independent of anyone else. Try keeping a “bucket list” of activities you love to have a steady source of inspiration and motivation.
4. Set Mental and Emotional Boundaries
Setting boundaries is crucial for controlling obsessive thoughts. Decide how much mental space you want to allow this person to occupy—and be honest if they’re even worth that space. When thoughts of them arise, practice cognitive distancing by recognizing the thought, pausing, and gently redirecting your mind to something more self-affirming or productive. Over time, creating these internal boundaries will make it easier to take back control of your thoughts.
5. Shift the Dopamine Reward Loop
One reason limerence feels so addictive is that it activates your brain’s dopamine system. Each time you receive attention from your crush, it triggers a dopamine release, creating a reward loop that reinforces your obsession. To break this cycle, celebrate your own small wins and achievements daily. Physical activities, creative projects, or accomplishing personal goals can replace this dopamine reward loop with positive internal rewards that enhance your self-esteem.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Feelings of shame, frustration, or embarrassment often accompany limerence. It’s common to beat yourself up for being “obsessed,” but it’s essential to practice self-compassion instead. Remember that healing takes time, and setbacks are part of the journey. Instead of criticizing yourself, acknowledge that it’s human to experience limerence and that each small step forward in reclaiming your emotional autonomy is progress. Being kind to yourself will strengthen your self-worth and reduce the need for external validation.
7. Cultivate Inner Fulfillment
The most effective way to overcome limerence is to create a fulfilling life that doesn’t rely on romantic relationships. Develop a personal life filled with activities, relationships, and goals that bring you satisfaction. Connect with friends, pursue personal growth, and invest in spiritual or creative outlets. When you build a life that feels complete from within, the emotional roller coaster of limerence starts to lose its grip.
Key Takeaway: Reclaiming Your Focus and Self-Worth
By shifting your attention from the person you’re obsessed with back to yourself, you’re not only breaking free from limerence but also laying the foundation for a more resilient and fulfilling life. These steps are all about reclaiming your power, reconnecting with what makes you unique, and creating self-worth that doesn’t depend on anyone else’s validation.
If you’re looking for more in-depth help, I have additional resources available, including my book How to Break Up with Limerence and Romantic Obsession, one-on-one coaching sessions, and a playlist of videos on my channel dedicated to understanding and healing from limerence. Remember, the journey to freedom from limerence may take time, but with self-awareness, patience, and commitment, you can truly take back control and create a thriving life focused on you.
