Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: In the post below 🙂
This is something that I know some of you reading this may not want ot hear, but limerence being what it is – a habit, a thought cycle, a life pattern and a neurochemical reaction, it absolutely will recur if you do not make the efforts to break the chains holding these patterns together and seek out a new kind of living for yourself. You need to want to let go.
I’ve spent most of my life being lmernet for someone – different people at different points, but always pining after someone, and none of these people knew about my existence. You can read my story here.
How does it come back though?
Here are some possible ways it can make a recurrence and most of them involve falling back into past habits:
- Not seeking out a different type of life for yourself. Limerence is deeply intertwined with our self-esteem, sense of self, life purpose and the connection we have with ourselves. If you are still in low self-esteem space, have yet to find some sort of meaning and purpose to your life or are cut off from your experiences and emotions, you will be vulnerable to limerence
- Passive consumption of social media, which is a common trigger for limerence, especially if your LO is a celebrity. If you are still in the habit of constantly being on his fanpages, staring at his images or videos and fantasising, it’s going to make you want to feed the fantasy cycle more.
- Being consumed by a pervasive sense of loneliness, emptiness and low mood. Limerents may lead full fun lives on the outside, but many of them tend to feel lonely, disconnected from others and tend to live in their minds alot of the time. Building strong social connections and expressing one’s emotions regularly are important.
How do you begin to break the cycle of limerence?
You need to go through a limerence detox, completely cleansing your life and existence of these limerent-causing habits. At the same time, take sometime to rethink your life as well:
#1 Kick the social media habit
If you have to do it, just completely stop being on social media. I’m not a fan of many of these platforms because of how it has completely changed the lives and brains of society – in a not good way. So many people are just spending time on there mindlessly scrolling through stuff that is of no use to their lives instead of engaging in meaningful activities.
Also, for a limerent person, social media is kryptonite for your fantasies. You could be there all day staring at photos of your limerent object and thinking up all sorts of wattpad fanfiction type scenarios with your LO. Limerence is mostly built over fantasies and skewed perceptions of your LO. Particularly if they are a celeb – you have no idea who these people are by the way, you only build up an image of them in your head based off what they show you.
#2 Connect with yourself again
What do you like to do? Who are you or who do you want to become? I’m sure you have goals and dreams. Spend the time trying to pursue these things that matter to you and make you feel joyful. You have one life on this earth, one existence, so make it count! Instead of frittering your life away fantasising about someone who isn’t even physically present in your life, isn’t there for you when you are down/sick and doesn’t pay your bills.
#3 Work on your self-esteem
Limerents tend to feel unloved and unaccepted by people around them and society. They may think they are “weird” or have been told they are so and so they keep alot of their thoughts and fantasies to themselves, which exacerbates these limerent behaviours. There could also have been a lack of nurturing when they were children so they bottle up their affections and not feel safe enough to express it in real-life.
Whatever it is, it’s time to start anew and start to build a different type of life for yourself. Building up your self-esteem does not have to involve big changes in behaviour, but taking the steps to do things you like, to do things that play to your strengths, and putting yourself out there by being in unfamiliar environments would help alot.
When I was breaking out of my limerent cycle…
I did have 2-3 small recurrences. Nothing big happened but I just went down several social media rabbitholes and felt those familiar anxiety-inducing emotions wash over me again. To be honest, I was floored by those experiences and not in a good way, as I thought I had done everything possible to undo alot of limerent-causing habits. So it felt like I took 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.
But my final advice to you is to give it time – limerence is a pattern, a habit cycle, a sort of addiction. It takes time to finally cure yourself of the entire process, and small recurrences along the way are normal.
Are you ready to take the step to break out of your limerent cycle?
My book here will help!