“But I’m not good at flirting. I don’t even like the idea of flirting! I just want to…chat. But I don’t know how to. Like how do some girls just start chatting guys up so easily?”
This was what a client was asking me recently. And it made me wonder, how many girls are facing this issue right now as well?
Let’s get flirty and dive a little bit into this today.
Flirting is actually pretty straightforward to do
It all lies in the eye contact, smiling and the ability to hold/carry on a conversation.
That really is all there is to flirting. Honestly, it is always over-exaggerated in the movies. All the come-hither stares across the room, while girl is tossing hair over shoulder whilst the guy is like I don’t know… sneaking stares whilst pretending to sip his wine. LOL.
Everyone flirts abit differently of course, but the one thing all the flirting gestures have in common, which is the underlying key to flirting, is…
Displaying Green Light Behaviours
What does that even mean?
I talk about this concept alot. It’s incredibly useful for creating and maintaining new connections with others.
Many people these days give off amber and red light body language behaviours. We are plugged into our earphones, staring at our phones, sunglasses on, swimming in our own thoughts…that we have forgotten how to strike up conversations and appear available to others.
Greenlighting your non-verbal body language is just like how your green lights work in the traffic. Green light – traffic is flowing, cars are moving, you are getting somewhere.
Greenlighting in social situations or in everyday situations signals to other people that you are open for a chat, that you are available, that they can come over and talk to you, and that you are cool with a 2-way conversation.
So how do I greenlight myself to others?
Get in the spirit of being an open person. The next time you are in a restaurant or Starbucks or wherever you are eating, look at the cute waiter in the eye when you are ordering, smile, get the small talk in.
Not good at small talk? Just start…small (pun not intended). Just ask, how are you today? Talk about the weather (always a safe option that works), talk about what they are wearing, point out something in the environment. And.. remove those ear pieces and put away your phone for a couple of minutes.
That’s how you take those initial baby steps to becoming a pro at flirting.
You start from having nice, relaxing conversations with people in different situations. And being fully present and engaged with the person and the conversation you are having.
Flirting doesn’t have to be this high-pressure high-stakes situation where you have to win
Many ladies erroneously think that, wow you have to be this seductive, sultry, sexy model type to even “qualify” to flirt with anybody.
Who told you that? Who made up that shitty rule?
Trust me, most people rather flirt and talk to someone who is nice and displaying green light behaviours, who is engaged and interesting.
And not some sexy hottie just seated in a corner sulking with their headphones on.
Struggling to get a date? Or is there something in your love life that is troubling you? Are your beliefs and self-esteem holding you back in love? I can help you unpack the baggage and stories behind all that and more. Come drop your question in 100 words over here, and I will write back with some solutions 🙂
So try this today
So next time you spot a cute waiter in private, smile, say hi, get your small-talk skills on.
Do it a few times and you’ll be a pro at this.
Try it and let me know how it goes! 🙂