One thing I’ve noticed about many who are looking for romantic partners or are in the dating game is how RUSHED people seem to be when they are getting to know someone.
It sometimes feels like they are not getting to know the real person that you are, instead they are rushing to tick off some KPI.
These things in and of itself take time. And you need to allow the person to unfold. Heck, sometimes you don’t even know the people you’ve been living with for decades.
Trust, intimacy and deep knowledge of someone requires time, energy and effort. We need to put in all 3 to really get closer to someone. These are only built after a period of time of going through shared experiences, talking, hanging out, being vulnerable and paying attention to what the person is saying and doing.
It also involves alot of honesty, vulnerability and talking about things that are important to getting to know someone. Many people just have conversations that don’t really involve their relationships, their feelings for each other, their real feelings for things that are happening in the relationship etc. And worse, some couples don’t even talk to one another.
Getting to know someone well and accurately means asking the right questions. It’s about getting to know their values, whether it aligns with yours, observing how they make decisions and how they behave when they are with you.
If you are constantly fast-forwarding love, it’s time to ask yourself why
Alot of time when I speak to people who fast-forward the beginning stages of relationships, they are usually already clinging to the idea that this new person will be their next romantic partner or best friend without even knowing 20% of the person! They behave like a target missile.
They find themselves overlooking red flags or ignoring them, not listening to their intuition and making hasty decisions which can ultimately backfire.
Instead, be comfy with how uncertain the relationship feels right now for you. This is always the case when we are just starting out, trying to know the person. Overtime, as you ask questions and get to know them, people will start to show themselves.
Not everyone you date is going to end up your romantic partner. And that’s okay. People will reveal themselves to you in time, provided you are paying attention. You don’t have
With that said, you needn’t take light years to get to know if someone if someone is a good fit for you romantically. In my experience anything between 3 to 6 months is pretty sufficient. Again, this works if you are dating “properly”, asking the “right” questions and really paying attention.