Awhile back, when Covid first hit, I was sorta seeing/dating a guy who not only gave off really dark energy/vibes, he was emotionally manipulative, addicted to sex (and refused to admit it) and constantly was pushing his boundaries with me, though I clearly was uncomfortable and was straight up saying no at some points.
I didn’t feel good being with him. I mostly felt uncomfortable, unsafe, and like I couldn’t trust him. Yet I ignored those red flags and dated him for 5 months (eww).
It took just waking up one day and being honest with myself, and having the realisation that… I had been in this SAME EXACT situation before!
The same relationship themes…
In all my past relationships – long or short-term, they all had the same themes running through them:
- All started with me massively crushing on them cause they looked “good”
- I got obsessed/infatuated with them really fast. It’d all be very intense from me from the start
- I’d create “opportunities” to have lunch/dinner with them
- I always felt like I was chasing them more at the beginning/very anxious to get things moving, whereas they’d be very cold/unaware/slow
- Then reality will set in and I’d realise that we’re such a bad fit! They were downright bad for me and some weren’t even nice people at all!
Why the same lesson now?
The entire experience left me wondering why did such a similar person who clearly wasn’t good for me, come into my life again? How did I attract this guy? Why?
And why all of a sudden after so many years of “working on myself” did this happen all over again?
I’ve done the personal growth work, the spiritual work, worked on my self-beliefs, fears, feelings of lack and all that good stuff – so why was I still attracting all the wrong guys?!
This, my friend, is the Universe’s way of testing you and is your time in the spotlight: to show the universe/yourself that you have absorbed all those life lessons and that you are now able to tell apart a douche from a potentially great man (and partner), and make good decisions on who you want to let into your life!
Every time you find yourself lapsing into your old habits, it is a chance to react differently and choose a different path this time around.
When you find yourself attracting men who at the core – remind you of toxic exes, and in reality they just differ in shapes and sizes, it could mean that there is something in your own core that you may not have addressed yet. That on some level, you are still open to dating this type of guy. That the work on yourself isn’t complete here.
Are you able to spot Red Flags on Dates? Find out in the quiz below!
So what should you do?
If you find yourself in this sort of emotional space currently, here are some things that would help:
#1 Get aware
Be present to your life and who you are letting in. Do they give you certain feelings that remind you of your past self? Do you find their actions “familiar” and not in a good way? These are all reminders that you experienced similar situations in the past and it’s good to get conscious so you are aware of what you are dealing with.
#2 Choose differently
If you want a different outcome this time, you gotta do what your old self never did. Walk away from the situation and from the guy. Don’t entertain his texts, his calls etc. Erect firm boundaries and stick to them.
This also isn’t the time to be “soft-hearted” and “kind” and “nice” and let people you feel uneasy with into your life willy-nilly.
Be honest with yourself. Be decisive. If the guy gives you bad vibes or his behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, take the appropriate action and put a stop to it early.
#3 Signal to the Universe
That you are permanently shutting the door to men and relationships that you don’t desire and does not serve your highest good. The Universe sometimes loves to play with us and when you are firm about not wanting a specific experience, you’ll be surprised at how the Universe grants your wish.
When you tell the Universe that you no longer want to entertain men of a certain type, it will open the doors for other types of men to come into your experience.
You will be surprised at how your life changes once you get absolutely clear on what you are willing to accept and let in. The Universe will always respond to your wishes and bring in more of what you desire.