Relationships 101: Fear or knowledge?

Is it fear or knowledge that you are responding to?


If we’re willing to be in and pay attention to reality, plus are willing to listen to ourselves, we can figure out whether we are worrying about something that isn’t happening or hasn’t happened yet, or whether we are actually aware of pertinent facts.


***The trouble is that many people operate on fear, veering between being very reactive to it, or paralysed in anxiety, rumination, and indecision. When you experience the former, you may have a knee-jerk reaction and make a decision that may not be rooted in the actual situation and the facts presented to you – this may be because you experience uncomfortable emotions, feel afraid, run with it, take the message as a sign to act fast, and bail.


***When you experience the latter, you spend more time being afraid, thinking about being afraid, thinking about what course of action you should take/imagining that you don’t have any options, and being afraid of making a decision and getting it wrong, than you do responding to the fear and taking action.

What isn’t asked often enough is: Is it fear? Or, am I dealing with knowledge?

If something was happening, you’d like to think that you’d be handling it – that’s why they say fear means it’s not happening, so in effect, if there is real reason for concern, you have time to take pre-emptive measures andact. Unfortunately when you don’t trust yourself or don’t want to let go of your hopes or any illusions that may be held, you deny the knowledge you have but continue to feel the fear anyway.


If you were afraid that you were being robbed or ripped off, what would you do?

  • Take precautions.
  • Distance yourself.
  • Investigate and increase any precautions you have taken as you discover more facts.
  • Act.

What would stop you from acting though?

  • Fear that you’ve got it wrong.
  • Fear of ‘conflict’, in particular, a confrontation.
  • Fear of the responsibility of using the knowledge to think up a solution and take action.
  • Fear of consequences such as loss, starting over, and trusting again.


One of the worst things about these feelings of ‘fear’ which may actually be knowledge that you’re not responding to, is that instead of addressing what you should be, aside from potentially exposing yourself to emotional harm if not even physical harm, by excluding the knowledge, you tend to focus on giving yourself a hard time.


Then you have fear that you’re being robbed plus fear of being wrong and being hurt/exposed further, plus knowledge that you have put truth last and acted against yourself.


***When what you already know doesn’t change and does indeed prove to be true, you end up feeling bad about ignoring your gut or even obvious facts around you and feel bad about running yourself down. Then you feel regretful that you were doing these things instead of taking action.Using some of the examples from the beginning, particularly when people tell me that they’re concerned that someone is or isn’t something, it’s because, even if they’re not consciously acknowledging it, they are aware of facts and/indications of the truth.


Let me assure you that feeling afraid and then piling on negative self-talk is not going to help – be a friend to yourself!


If you can’t figure out where you end and they begin, it’s a sign that you’re too enmeshed anyway and that you need to step back.


***If you spend most of your time trying to anticipate what’s next or worrying about what isn’t happening, or worrying about the fact that you’re not acting upon knowledge, you create a great deal of unnecessary anxiety in your life that would be lessened by being in your present and where appropriate taking action.

Fear is ultimately just a feeling. You are still behind the wheel of your life – please drive and navigate!

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