Relationships 101: Fantasy relationships

A reality check for women who love illusion-filled relationships

Most people if asked, would deny that they’d ever had a fantasy relationship as they’re associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that’s non-existent, however, it’s time for you to change what you think you know.


An increasing number of people are satisfied with sprinklings of attention and interaction which they use to give themselves the illusion of being loved, cared for and in control because they get to avoid commitment, intimacy, and ‘full-on’ rejection.

The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship is for every woman who’s been caught short by their overactive imagination and their great expectations.

Struggled to get over a relationship that didn’t truly exist?

Don’t understand how you wound up spending years with someone you hardly see?

Keep letting your assumptions and projections run away with you?

You’re an Escapist, dissatisfied with your current relationship, mentally checking out, complaining about your expectations not being met, and even starting an affair with someone else.
***You’re a Crusher, ‘loving’ and admiring someone from a distance that puts you in that unreciprocated feelings setting.
You’re a Virtual, spending too much time surfing dating sites, relying on the written word and getting high off the buzz of a text or email coming through.
You’re a Tabber, angry, hurt and feeling rejected because your relationship is over so regaining a sense of control by devoting your time and energy to tracking your ex via social networking and poking around in his life.

Have you found yourself in a fantasy relationship

***These situations are often borne out of loneliness, a fear of rejection and intimacy, and great feelings of inadequacy. The more knocks you experience in the real world that you’re trying to avoid, the bigger a cocoon that you’ll build around yourself.


***Expectations and illusions have a huge impact on emotional availability and the dynamics in a relationship. When you consider the unhealthy beliefs that you can carry when you have a habit of being in unavailable relationships, it’s also easy to see how you can have an unrealistic picture of what a relationship looks like and how you can choose unavailable people to try to fill voids within you.


***One of the things they do do though that’s very useful for those of you prone to overuse of your imagination, is remain distant, so while that does have its frustrations when you want them to make certain things a reality, truth be told, the distance works for you and leaves you free to imagine whatever you like.


***but it’s safe to say that it can be awfully difficult to let go of a relationship that didn’t actually exist or what did, was as flimsy as a sandcastle built in the sky.


it can also be about grieving the loss of hope and what you thought might be and some of you aren’t doing this and are in fact, holding tight not only to the dream but a massive avoidance of rejection.


***If you have a tendency to have crushes, get lost in your feelings, continue feeling even when it becomes clear it’s not reciprocated, or can weave a fantasy relationship out of words and your imagination, you’re a Dreamer. Carrying a huge fear of intimacy, you find it safer to live in your mental world rather than risk a ‘real’ rejection. While all Fallback Girls (and guys) have avoidance issues and are chasing a feeling, you don’t truly want to get close to anyone – you want that “feeling” from a distance.


***Your mind is very rarely in the present and you’re very ‘dreamy’ and have often been doing your imaginary world thing for a very long time, possibly since childhood or after you experienced a traumatic event. It may be a learned coping mechanism for shutting out anything ‘unpleasant’ that’s eating up too much reality and causing you to feel vulnerable. Often, all you need is a little attention or for them to be in possession of a couple of characteristics or qualities that you overvalue, for you to create a connection that ignites your imagination.**** (omg yess)

become so overwhelmed by your experiences and the pain, and lose so much confidence in yourself that you feel helpless to deal with a real relationship and take comfort in your imagination where everything feels and looks a lot better.



while you’re immersed in your feelings and imagination, you miss out on some very obvious signsthat all is not well. You don’t register that you’re not being ‘matched’, or that they’ve left the building or were never even there, or that who you think they are is not actually who you’re involved with.


***it can cause you to become very numb and struggle to discern fiction from reality. On top of this, you lose significant chunks of your life.

You’re an ideal match for an over-estimating, Future Faking, Fast Forwarding, dreaming, attention seeking, and in need of an ego stroke Unavailable.

Shoppers can toss you some words and some pipe dreams in crumb rations and sustain this flimsy relationship for years.


***You’re a Fallback that chooses people that reflect your beliefs and allow you to remain in your comfort zone.


While your fantasies and crushes may have involved some Mr/Miss Availables, it’s more likely that they didn’t because an available person poses a risk of vulnerability and intimacy which you’re trying to avoid, so you’ll choose your ‘marks’ well because they’ll be attached, or immersed in their own problems, sitting at the end of a computer etc. Of course, as is always the case with unavailable relationships, eventually reality pierces the illusion bubble and much pain results. 

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