Relationship Advice: Help! I’m jealous of his female friends and afraid of losing him

On the surface it appears that you are jealous…and this is partially correct but actually you’re insecure because I don’t think that you believe that you deserve to be with your boyfriend, so you think that he’s a hop, skip, and a jump away from being snapped up by someone prettier, with more tattoos, or with more intelligence.

The questions you should be asking yourself is:

Why don’t you believe that you are good enough for your boyfriend?

Why do you believe that your relationship or him for that matter are so fragile that some other girl can pop up and snatch your man away?

You need to dig below the surface of your supposed jealousy and tackle what it is that makes you feel inadequate because it’s not him per se; it’s what you believe about yourself and if you don’t believe you deserve the guy and the relationship, you will find subconscious ways like sitting at home fantasising about what he is doing with his female friends, to sabotage your relationship.



Hating yourself as a result of your jealousy and inadequacy and being scared of losing him is about fear of abandonment. Obviously I don’t know your background but fear of abandonment is often tied to something in our past, often childhood. What you need to be careful of is choosing men that exacerbate that fear of abandonment with their behaviour. You also need to be careful of creating situations to bring about the demise of the relationship in a self-fulfiilling prophecy.

It’s a very disproportionate response and if he hangs with them occasionally and you have him for the majority,



Identify what your triggers are for being afraid of abandonment and assess whether you can put a rational perspective on your fears and confront and deal with them, and if you are struggling to do this on your own, it would be wise to spend some time with a counsellor because fear of abandonment tied in with the inadequacy can have a devastating long term effect on and what concerns me is that we tend to choose men that reflect the negative feelings we have about ourselves.


If in doubt, whenever you think of something jealous and insecure, shut it off and replace it with something positive about your relationship. Remember that whilst your boyfriend may be patient now and even reassuring, if you don’t believe in you, nothing he will say is going to make a blind bit of difference, so get positive before you derail your relationship.

Don’t sell yourself short or effectively ‘pitch’ the wonderful qualities that you think his female friends have, to him and yourself. Unless any of these women are actually man stealers or hating on you, I don’t think you need to worry about what they do or do not have. You need to focus on enjoying him and what you have, and also recognising that you bring lots of value to your relationship and haven’t just struck it lucky or got him on loan until one of his friends makes a successful snatch and grab.

Relationship Advice: Help! I’m jealous of his female friends and afraid of losing him

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