How To Be More Confident: 3 Secrets Backed By Research

Sum Up

  • Building self-esteem doesn’t work. Unless you’re trying to be a narcissist. If you are… uh, congratulations?
    • The problem with self-esteem is it tends to be comparative in nature. Basically, if I have high self-esteem I have to feel special and above average. That basic need to be better than others is based on a logical impossibility. There’s no way everybody can be above average at the same time. We’re losing before we’re even out of the gate.

       

    • Self-esteem is contingent on success. We basically like ourselves and we judge ourselves positively when we succeed and when we do well. But the second we fail and make a mistake, our self-esteem goes out the window and we do not judge ourselves positively.

       

  • Self-compassion has all the benefits of self-esteem without the downsides. If you don’t believe me, go read the stuff above that you skipped.
  • Talk to yourself kindly, the way you would a friend in need. Yes, it’s that simple.

Seriously, it’s not easy but don’t give up. In fact, at first, being self-compassionate can be hard. Why?

You need to admit you screwed up. Being self-compassionate means you can’t be in denial or rationalize. And that hurts at first. Ironically, becoming self-compassionate requires self-compassion.

But it’s not a paradox. It’s like a muscle. Exercise it and it will grow.

How To Be More Confident: 3 Secrets Backed By Research

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